I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
