I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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