From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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