the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
