i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
