I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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