Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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