She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
