I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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