He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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