I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
