im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
