im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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