Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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