I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
