Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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