You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize