maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
