I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This is the high leading the old right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
