Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize