we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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