I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
