Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
