I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
