I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
