so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just invented taco cereal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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