Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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