I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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