I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
