Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
