Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Barsexuality is the new black.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
