I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
