youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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