I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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