he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
