you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
