the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
