I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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