I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
