Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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