She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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