I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
