You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
