Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
