Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
