I got chris browned last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
