Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
