I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
