you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just googled if crying burns calories
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
