im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize