Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
