i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
