I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
