Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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