someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
