If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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