You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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