just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize