Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
