I just cut my nipple shaving
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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