why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
