Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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