I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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