I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize