If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
