i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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