Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
