I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
