i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
