dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
