some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
