it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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