She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
